Renewal

On October 11th 2019 I began to write personal, emotional and economic aspects that needed to be improved. I started writing short strategies. The main focus has been to experiment with a different routine. On December 10th 2019, I made the decision to quit my job in order to focus more on my photography career. In this job I worked as a carpenter. The truck that I had acquired (Troqui Dorada) was going through a stage in which I was more worried than happy due to the constant repairs. The routine was pleasant in the morning, each morning was accompanied with a cup of coffee, the morning breeze and some beautiful melodies. On several occasions I would depart before dawn. At the time of driving back to Mid City it was inevitable to be surrounded by cars moving at a slow rhythm due to traffic. I accepted it as a friend needing my commute to be as enjoyable as it was in the mornings. I think traffic can get into anybody’s head knowing it can also be irritating.

Shortly after quitting my job, I decided to sell the truck (including the tools that I had acquired during my time as a carpenter). The decision was not difficult, since the money that I would obtain, would be used for a trip to Mexico City and later to the state of Oaxaca, honestly I could have gone to any other tourist destination but this trip was necessary, I needed to have a conversation with my parents about my personal use of marihuana and also to detach myself from an unhealthy maternal family. I refer as an unhealthy family for the following reasons, their lives are in constant emotional illness, ruled by the opposite of what we can understand such as love, respect, tranquility, mental and emotional health. This detachment did not include my nieces, being sincere I accept being a brother/uncle absent in body and words. I do not know the genealogical tree of my father (originally from the state of Sonora), I only know part of my mother’s family (originally from the state of Oaxaca).

On February 22nd 2020, I flew to Mexico City, here I was sincere with myself, I was going through a stage of creativity cadence, I was not feeling satisfied doing my photographic activities, however, not everything was drama or sorrow, I would experience different activities in this trip. I found myself skating almost every day during this trip, also meeting new faces and different places around the city. When I landed from the short flight (past noon), I felt anxious to skate where I needed and wanted to be experiencing new adventures, which I did do as soon as I left my luggage where I was staying with my colleagues/friends Jesús and Miguel Gonzales. I was happy to be skateboarding without any physical pain (I suffered a terrible pain on my lower back every weekend). I wasn’t doing any photography work during my skateboarding experiences, I don’t like to force myself to do so if the moments I saw was happening too quick, I didn’t mind letting the moment disappear upon my eyes, I felt I had to be physically involved and to be part of the happening but also digesting the moments with calm and joy. This adventure lasted approximately 20 days.

Coming back to Los Angeles, I analyzed more and more the fact that I had to liberate myself from the mental prison I created, I no longer ask for permission to do the activities I’m passionate about, things like photography, skateboarding, drawing, painting, jogging, training jiu jitsu, building small furniture pieces that come in handy, etc. I have also cut the threads that made connection with physical and emotional situations. In Mexico City I reconnected with the habit of continuing to skateboard. Being in the city of Los Angeles I reconciled with my photographic habit, but that did not happen from one moment to another and it didn’t happen excluding myself from society as a social and economic crisis held place, I could not believe what I was seeing. I was going out in hope to find a photographic story, I managed to capture small fragments of what I saw. An empty city did not inspire me at all, I could only see a possible false reality, my imagination was clouded with the fumes of disbelief.

Starting a new habit like reading, helped to remove the lint and dust that inhabits the realm of my imagination. It was as if the water ran again through a dry river where it was believed that the water would not flow again, laziness blocked the water from flowing. After a short period, Andres Alfonso (founder of Sk82Live) contacted me to tell me about a new digital platform in which he proposes to project the “B” side of skateboarding, showcasing the underground culture of skateboarding. He offers me a space to express myself and also expose my work as a photographer without restrictions, expressing my emotions or brands that you will be hearing for the first time, give free rein to my creativity, open new doors along the horizon.

I feel a deep connection with art, I want to create, communicate, art is my tool of expression. Initially I felt nervous because I would start a job that I had not done in the past, I blocked the fact of expressing my feelings or thoughts upon people who I call or play the rol in my life as << friends >> due to the criticism or negative feedback that did get out of context, all the misgiving words gave the feeling of not being understood. The emotional suffering has been dissolved in the past, it has transformed! Today is a new chapter and I understand the meaning and action of forgiving myself, talking about my feelings using art as a healing medium, picking back up activities where I took away merits believing that I would not be good doing it and I would not succeed like the characters that I looked up to in their respective branch (like jiu jitsu, drawing, painting ,photography, music and other activities that I can think of). I plan on living at least 120 years, I have a long road ahead of me. The emotions I held on to inside of me to protect myself from crying has grown old to become a force that has germinated, it grows at each dawn thanks to the sunlight and at night with the glow of the Moon.

The energy provided makes a flower see the light wanting to emerge with will.
In this article I first want to present a portrait of the following colleagues:

We will go skate (our common activity) doing a short follow-up, not invading their personal space but being curious to know other interests they have that are not related to skateboarding.
Does a skateboarder really invade his thoughts with nothing but skateboarding? Do you have it for breakfast, lunch and dinner? 24 hours a day? 7 days a week? 30/31 days (February has 29 days during leap year) duration of one month? 365 days a year? is it passion? love? madness? or is it just a delusion? does it really take a lot of emotional value to be a pro skateboarder or is it just an archetype?

If you made it to this part of the my words, I’ll leave you a positive thought:

A golden rule of ethics: think for a moment if you prefer to receive praise without deserving it or not receive any praise but being a person who deserves it

Nassim Nicholas Taleb

Thank you for reading.